Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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