dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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