Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
