I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
