note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MIDGETS
????
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
