they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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