Don't make out with my wife yet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
