the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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