You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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