apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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