I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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