My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
