She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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