my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize