i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
