I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
