I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
