yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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