Can Purell be used as lube?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
