I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its not stalking. its research.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
