i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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