im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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