hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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