so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
