I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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