I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
