i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
