I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
