some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
