I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
