Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
