is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
