spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
