apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
