His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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