Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
