A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
