It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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