what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're like the curious george of whores
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
