you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
