she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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