I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
