I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
