Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
