Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
