I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
