You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
