just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
