Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
