i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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