Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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