I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
