Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
