i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
