..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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