butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
