Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have feelings that need drinking.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
