Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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