I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
