ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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