Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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