Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
