That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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