Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize