I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
