I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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