How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
