Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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