They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it glows. i had to have it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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