I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
