you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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