Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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