I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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