did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
