I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
